Reflecting on... Seeking Approval

Everybody wants to be validated; to be patted on the back or to hear ‘Good job!’ It makes us feel approved of. When this happens without it being sought out, there is also a feeling of acceptance and recognition… who wouldn't want that? I myself have fell victim to doing certain things in order to gain someone’s respect, and at other times, I have gained their respect for simply being myself and letting them make up their own mind. Which one do you think felt better? That’s right… being respected and approved of for being myself. This does not mean I have the ‘Screw anyone who doesn't like me’ attitude; it just means that I do not waste my time worrying why someone would put so much effort into disliking me.

Approval of others can be based on many things: if someone lives up to values that you hold; if they do something special for humanity or the planet; these are the larger bringers of respect but it could be as simple as someone who is willing to put themselves out to make you a coffee or put their arm around you when you’re a little low. People interact with each other every day and whether those interactions are friendly, funny, unusual, tense, passionate… being yourself in those interactions will keep you grounded and whether you are judged or accepted by others on those interaction you know you are being honest with yourself. The approval and validation which will then always ensue from these interactions will also be from you.

The idea of self-validation ties in nicely with the practice of affirmations. Knowing who you are and what you stand for makes affirming what you want to achieve an empowering process. Accepting yourself when you stand in front of a mirror and say ‘this is what I want from my life’ will make it much easier to achieve the goals you affirm. My personal affirmations tend to fall into the ‘be more creative’ category and because I know and trust myself to follow through on actively making these things happen, I am confident in the power of affirmation. The approval I have always really sought was my own – it is a part of why I found a pagan path, because there is no other path which embraces self-discovery, freedom of expression and self-approval so much as a pagan one.

I had not intended this reflection to become about self-approval but because I practice self-approval I am okay with it having turned out like that. Much of what I write comes from my spirit guides and I approve of them too – lol! However, I would like to return to seeking approval from others as this article begins to conclude and say that on the pagan path which I walk, I have not always received approval, even from family. For a long time my own mother was very ignorant of my beliefs which was hurtful and limiting to my practice but with time, she came to find her own spiritual path – as a medium of all things – and now we have a very connected spiritual understanding of each other. She still drives me nuts about other things but I accept her how she is and vice versa. This makes for a much higher number of nice moments, and a fewer arguments.